Addicted to Weight Loss Plans

I have come to the realization that I am addicted to weigh loss plans. I am constantly looking for the latest and greatest "get skinny or die trying" plan that will "fix me". I get so wrapped up and into a plan that I seriously get upset when I fall off, or miss a day. When you are following any plan, it is inevitable that you will make a mistake here or there. But when I make a mistake, I dwell on it, and I cannot get myself back on the band wagon again.

I started this journey back in April 2011 right before I started my current job. I was in FL with my Godmother, and distraught about my weight. She just looked at me and said then do something about it. And she preceded to make me get on the scale in the afternoon (which I never do!). I saw a number that I had never ever seen before. 185.5. (I cannot even believe that I am sharing that with ya'll, especially since I know that some people who know me can actually read this blog and now will know what I weighed.Uuuugh, but I feel that this is part of my process.) So, mid-April, I started Weight Watchers Online, and lost a few pounds. Nothing life-changing, but enough to keep me a little motivated. I stayed on WW until at least the end of June, when I hit a plateau and wanted to try something that didn't have a price-tag attached to it. Insert My Fitness Pal. I maintained a 1,200 calorie diet eating Breakfast, Snack, Lunch, Snack, Dinner until September. AND Amber and I started to hit the gym together at least 3X per week.

Then September came back around, and I work at a university, so that is when business speeds back up again. I joined another gym that was 24hours and started doing Spin Classes 3X per week at 6am. Now, my body was kind of getting smaller, but the number on the scale never changed. Which means that I felt like am epic failure. By the first week in November, I got worn out with school, work, gym and wedding planning, so I decided to take a break. I spot checked my calorie intake, and on a BAD day, I only got to 1,700 - 1,800 calories, maybe. Near the end of November, Amber and I did the detox and lost 10lbs each... and then the holidays came.

Over the holidays, I indulged, but not too much. I don't eat that "bad" anyways. (No soda, no juices, minimal white carbs, no fried foods on a regular basis, 3 solid meals a day with snacks as needed) I basically ended up maintaining my weight and only gained 3lbs back from the detox in November. So, after the holiday, I decided to get back on MFP and maintain a 1,500 calorie diet, keeping my carbs under 100g.

Now where did this leave me? My body refuses to budge from this 175 - 178lbs range.

And this means that I can barely say that I have lost 10lbs in about 9 months. 

I know that anyone who has struggled can imagine how I am feeling. Especially when I write this down. I'm ashamed, embarrassed, depressed, angry, sad... and just upset with myself for not doing more. I feel like I am able to do so many other things successfully in my life... except weight loss.

What now?

Change has to come. No more plans, no more diets, no more "get skinny or die trying" gimmicks to buy into. I need to buy into myself. Buy into the fact that I KNOW weight loss is attainable. Buy into the fact that I want to proudly wear a bathing suit on my honeymoon. (I haven't allowed myself to wear a bathing suit, unless I am at my parents house, in a few years. And if I must, I wear a t-shirt over it) Buy into developing a healthy lifestyle so I can live healthy, be healthy, and feel healthy.