Monday, November 07, 2011

All those other people....

I am a self proclaimed worrier. Especially when it comes to what other people think of me.

I volunteered to be Amber's client for her counseling class this semester. (We have to do a few 1hr recorded counseling sessions for her to write about and present in class.) And as usual, after the session I am so ready to really spill the beans and explain how I am feeling about how the session went. In our last session, I realized that I am still harboring guilt about some of the fun I had in college. Now, I wasn't some raging-sex driven-alcohol drinking- bad grade having- "typical" college girl, BUT I did have some fun. AND I regret it. I always feel that if word were to "get out" about some of the things I have done that it would hurt me and taint the way others view me. Now, I don't really know anyone who would facilitate the spilling of this information, BUT I still worry, and I feel guilty.

I am also self conscious in meetings at work when I state my opinion. I always wonder if people are watching and judging me. I deplore walking into meeting late so that everyone can watch you scramble to find a seat in the room and I only like giving presentations when I have adequate time to prepare.

When I am at the gym, I cannot stop comparing myself to other people while I am trying to get my own workout in for the day.Am I giggling too much? Is that guy checking me out? Am I mixing up the motions? Did I lift my left arm instead of my right? AND please explain why I cannot catch the rhythm to this song in Zumba!? 

The even crazier part is that I normally do just fine. There are very few moments in my life where I have made a catastrophic mistake in front of someone and it was a major embarrassment. I guess my fear of that experience makes me super cautious and over prepared. I know that not matter how much I procrastinate; I always get the work done. I know that if I keep up my good work that I will eventually get promoted, and if I don't, I'll apply somewhere else and be okay.

For some reason though, no matter how much affirmation I receive, I still worry what other people think. I have really been working hard at this as well. I find myself "sticking" to things that I sometimes don't even like just so no one else will see me as a quitter (*** like MFP). I love the MFP community, but sometimes I am just not into it. And I am learning that it is okay. And I need to allow myself to feel that way and do what I want. And what feels right.

*** This post was inspired by Roni over at Roni's Weigh. Go you for keeping your head held high and not flipping him the bird! I would have been in the process of finding a new running route to make sure I avoided that man the next day. ***

No comments:

Post a Comment

Thank you for commenting on WIOG! We may not always reply but we read every single word you write. If you want to chat one on one asap, email us at or

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...