Self-Discovery

Have you ever just sat back for a moment to take a look at yourself and analyze how you are feeling in that given moment? To truly allow yourself to feel what you need/want/are feeling in that moment and think about why? I guess this is the counseling major in me, but lately I have been trying to really sit back and allow myself to experience my feelings. My friends and close family always say that you don't know me, until you actually know me. It's either you know my life story or you are an acquaintance/coworker/stranger. I don't like to alloow myself to be a certain way around a lot of people. Hell, I don't like to allow myself to be a certain way when I am alone.

So I don't.

I am realizing that I hide a lot of my emotions from others and from myself. A friend of mine this week said it best. He feels like I would hurt and burden myself to not hurt someone else. Which is so true. And so tragic. I care so much about what other people think and feel towards me that I often do not allow myself to feel the way I want to feel about a situation. Therefore, I am left at the end of the day to deal or not deal with my feelings and that days experiences.

Since I have been extremely stressed out with work, school, wedding plans, ect lately, I have felt a rush of emotions that I generally do not let affect me. But since I am so overwhelmed, I cannot help it. Every stress in my life seems to be magnified by 100%.

So the meaning of this post? Not really sure. I am just reflecting. I am working on trying to be more open with my feelings and expressing them in way that keeps me from feeling like I am always on the verge of exploding.