Wednesday, January 30, 2013

#50in52 Week 18: Weight loss is HARD

This past week has not been good. I did not believe that weight loss could be such an emotional journey until my chat with Amber last night after work.But let me start from the beginning...

Last Tuesday, I had a great session with my trainer. I was amped, excited, and ready to kick butt. We talked a lot about my knee issues, and about how I need to strengthen up the muscles surrounding my knee (IT bands and quads), so we worked on that a bit. The next morning my knee was swollen AGAIN and by that evening I was in serious pain. Therefore I had to cancel Thursday, Friday and the following Tuesday's training sessions to recoup. I hobbled throughout my weekend and did my best to ice and elevate. I even brought my ice pack to work so I could prop my knee up under my desk. (Yes, I was that serious.) So I haven't had a workout in over a week.

Now for my eating, I have not been eating badly... but I could be doing better. I have remained gluten, sugar, and dairy free for the most part with a few small indulgences... but some nights I just get angry.

Angry that I first started to lose in April 18, 2010
Angry that I have only managed to lose the same 10-13lbs over and over again
Angry that I cheat myself occasionally when I count calories (You know that cup was really 7/8 cup instead)
Angry that I have gotten stronger but haven't lost inches
Angry that all the people on MFP lose weight
Angry that I have let another birthday, holiday, celebration, ect pass and I am still NOT skinny
Angry that people always say I look great but the number on the scale is unhealthy
Angry that when I ask for fitness/nutrition advice from an "expert" I've heard whatever they have to say before
Angry that although I have heard it all, for some reason I have trouble sticking to it and/or following the plan
Angry  that I bought a food scale and my hand and cup measurements were actually spot on with the food scale so I can't blame my lack of weight loss on improper portions
Angry that I subscribe to almost every fitness magazine on the shelf and I'm not where I want to be
Angry that I got married at the weight I was with over a year to get more in shape and FAILED
Angry that still after my doctor told me to lose weight I still can't get myself together
Angry that I am still in this weight loss predicament 

Now I almost wish that I could tell you that I get so angry that I eat a whole cake or a whole pint of ice cream by myself. NO. I eat 1 small slice of cinnamon raisin or hard-dough bread with butter. I eat a little lite whipped cream with my strawberries. I eat 3 small spoonfuls of white rice from the pot on the stove. I may even go out to eat and barely eat whatever calorie ridden dish I order. I never actually go crazy and consume more than probably 1600 TOTAL calories in any given day. AND that number includes all the other meals that I ate that were healthy. 

So, what do I need to do?

I need to practice what I preach. I know if someone followed the weight loss advice that I give, they would lose weight. It's happened already. I need to track my food because I believe there is no way to really know what you eat unless you track it. And I need to be honest with my measurements. I need to cut back on carbs, especially in the second half of the day. I need to eat more vegetables. I need to continue to avoid sugar and dairy since sugar is bad for you and dairy makes my stomach hurt and my face break out. (Sidebar: I haven't had a pimple since I eliminated dairy from my diet. ) I also probably don't need to have a cheat day once a week. Once every 2 weeks should be fine, and it should be a cheat meal not a cheat day. I have had 2 full years of cheat days... I can go awhile without them. I also need to exercise at least 4 times per week

If I don't do it, I will just continue to be disappointed in myself. Another swimsuitless summer will go by, another birthday, someone else's wedding, Fitbloggin will come and go... and I will stay in this rut and be unhappy. 

I have to commit and actually do something, continue to do it, and not give up until I get what I want.

Oh and my weigh in---I'm up 2.9lbs. But I know I can and WILL do better.


  1. Oh wow. I feel your anger. I remember being this angry. Big hugs girl. We know what to do.

    1. Thank you Teamarcia. :) That's the hard part sometimes...just knowing that you know what to do!

  2. Best of luck to you! You know what you need to do. Regroup and go get it!

  3. I've been angry about most of these things for a while too. I totally and completely get where you are coming from. This is not a joke, like it is so easy to blog about what we want to to, what we will do, where we want to be, but actually pulling it off is incredibly tricky. Good thing is, today is a new day.

    1. Thanks Nellie! I have to keep up with you. I refuse to be the un-fit roommate at Fitbloggin!


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