#50in52 Week 18: Weight loss is HARD

This past week has not been good. I did not believe that weight loss could be such an emotional journey until my chat with Amber last night after work.But let me start from the beginning...

Last Tuesday, I had a great session with my trainer. I was amped, excited, and ready to kick butt. We talked a lot about my knee issues, and about how I need to strengthen up the muscles surrounding my knee (IT bands and quads), so we worked on that a bit. The next morning my knee was swollen AGAIN and by that evening I was in serious pain. Therefore I had to cancel Thursday, Friday and the following Tuesday's training sessions to recoup. I hobbled throughout my weekend and did my best to ice and elevate. I even brought my ice pack to work so I could prop my knee up under my desk. (Yes, I was that serious.) So I haven't had a workout in over a week.

Now for my eating, I have not been eating badly... but I could be doing better. I have remained gluten, sugar, and dairy free for the most part with a few small indulgences... but some nights I just get angry.

Angry that I first started to lose in April 18, 2010

Angry that I have only managed to lose the same 10-13lbs over and over again

Angry that I cheat myself occasionally when I count calories (You know that cup was really 7/8 cup instead)

Angry that I have gotten stronger but haven't lost inches

Angry that all the people on MFP lose weight

Angry that I have let another birthday, holiday, celebration, ect pass and I am still NOT skinny

Angry that people always say I look great but the number on the scale is unhealthy

Angry that when I ask for fitness/nutrition advice from an "expert" I've heard whatever they have to say before

Angry that although I have heard it all, for some reason I have trouble sticking to it and/or following the plan

Angry  that I bought a food scale and my hand and cup measurements were actually spot on with the food scale so I can't blame my lack of weight loss on improper portions

Angry that I subscribe to almost every fitness magazine on the shelf and I'm not where I want to be

Angry that I got married at the weight I was with over a year to get more in shape and FAILED

Angry that still after my doctor told me to lose weight I still can't get myself together

Angry that I am still in this weight loss predicament 

Now I almost wish that I could tell you that I get so angry that I eat a whole cake or a whole pint of ice cream by myself. NO. I eat 1 small slice of cinnamon raisin or hard-dough bread with butter. I eat a little lite whipped cream with my strawberries. I eat 3 small spoonfuls of white rice from the pot on the stove. I may even go out to eat and barely eat whatever calorie ridden dish I order. I never actually go crazy and consume more than probably 1600 TOTAL calories in any given day. AND that number includes all the other meals that I ate that were healthy. 

So, what do I need to do?

I need to practice what I preach. I know if someone followed the weight loss advice that I give, they would lose weight. It's happened already. I need to track my food because I believe there is no way to really know what you eat unless you track it. And I need to be honest with my measurements. I need to cut back on carbs, especially in the second half of the day. I need to eat more vegetables. I need to continue to avoid sugar and dairy since sugar is bad for you and dairy makes my stomach hurt and my face break out. (Sidebar: I haven't had a pimple since I eliminated dairy from my diet. ) I also probably don't need to have a cheat day once a week. Once every 2 weeks should be fine, and it should be a cheat meal not a cheat day. I have had 2 full years of cheat days... I can go awhile without them. I also need to exercise at least 4 times per week. 

If I don't do it, I will just continue to be disappointed in myself. Another swimsuitless summer will go by, another birthday, someone else's wedding, Fitbloggin will come and go... and I will stay in this rut and be unhappy. 

I have to commit and actually do something, continue to do it, and not give up until I get what I want.

Oh and my weigh in---I'm up 2.9lbs. But I know I can and WILL do better.